By Mr. Hershel Wertheimer
Executive Director of Hamaspik Kings County

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Question:

Our family is still adjusting to our eldest son's recent diagnosis of severe anxiety. 
We've noticed that certain situations, like crowded places or an upcoming test, can intensify his discomfort and anxiety levels. It often feels like we're navigating a minefield, trying to avoid any possible triggers that could worsen his condition.
What strategies can we implement to maintain a sense of normalcy and routine in our home while still accommodating his needs?

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Answer:

Thank you for sharing your concerns. Although your situation is difficult, there are several coping skills for anxiety  you may find extremely useful. Below, I’ll outline some strategies for anxiety you can take to improve your  situation. 

First, it’s crucial to foster an environment in your home that encourages open and honest communication. This is important not only for your son experiencing anxiety but also for your other children. 

There shouldn’t be secrets between the siblings. Avoid hiding the fact that you’re dealing with this challenge. Your other children likely sense that something is amiss, so it's better to be upfront about it.

Explain to both your unaffected children and the child who’s struggling that this is a temporary challenge. Emphasize that you will work together as a family to find relief. Assure them that you understand the difficulties and they can always share their concerns and fears with you. 

This takes a lot of effort and is easier said than done, but it will be very beneficial if everyone can be on the same page and support your son in his struggle. Such unity can ensure that, at least within the confines of your home, life continues with a semblance of normalcy. Everyone will be aware of the situation, allowing for an open dialogue to discuss and find ways to deal with the challenges as they arise. 

My second piece of advice is that even though it might seem more convenient to hide this issue from the public eye, I strongly advise against trying to cover up all the time, working to make sure that nobody finds out about the struggle. This will lead to additional, unnecessary pain. Instead of putting your energy into concealment, focus that same energy on addressing the situation and determining the most appropriate course of action for your family.

This doesn’t mean you should run around announcing to everyone that your child has anxiety. Rather, it's about not going out of your way to hide these challenges. Connect with individuals who can offer support, such as teachers and school staff, as they can be instrumental in providing assistance. 

And don’t worry about shidduchim. If your son overcomes his anxiety by then, the issue will likely be a distant memory. And if it remains a concern, hiding it won't be beneficial or feasible. It's more productive to focus on present support and solutions, ensuring any challenges are addressed openly and constructively.

Third, prioritize your own well-being. It's essential to practice self-care and allow yourself moments of relaxation, especially after a taxing week filled with appointments and consultations. Don't allow yourself to be consumed by the situation. 

Consider buying challos some weeks instead of baking them or getting more outside help. Easing your load can help you maintain your focus on what truly matters and ensure that you're in the best position to support your family.

Fourth, establish identifiable routines in all elements related to running your home. The more structured your household activities and routines are, the less room there is for anxiety to manifest. 

Anxiety tends to thrive in uncertain and unpredictable environments; by increasing the consistency of your daily routines, you gain more control over the situation and reduce the spaces in which anxiety can take hold, fostering a more secure and reassuring environment for your son.

Actively seek professional help to support your child in overcoming his anxiety. Mental health professionals can provide targeted strategies for anxiety and interventions tailored to your child's specific needs, greatly enhancing his ability to manage and reduce anxiety.

When treating anxiety in kids — or adults — a mental health professional may recommend medication. If medication is recommended by a healthcare professional, seriously consider this option. Medication can be a crucial component in effectively addressing anxiety, offering your child additional relief, and making therapeutic interventions more productive. 

Remember, some aspects of anxiety and its treatment may not be immediately apparent without professional guidance, underscoring the importance of following expert advice in these matters.

With Hashem’s help, may you and your son soon gain the tools to find peace and calm every day.